I joined the Poverty Truth Commission (PTC) quite late due to my work shifts clashing with our meetings. If Sarah (PTC Community Engagement Coordinator) hadn’t persisted, I probably wouldn’t have been a part of this wonderful movement, so thank you Sarah! I feel that the PTC has been a very supportive and comforting group to be in, where there is genuine support and empathy. I also feel this from every Civic Commissioner that I have met.

I am in the Domestic Abuse (DA) working group and we are looking at how schools educate children around healthy relationships.

Domestic Abuse is bigger than poverty and that’s what I feel we should explain. Being poor is not an EXCUSE to be abusive. But we are made to feel like it comes with the label. Abusive behaviour from men is instilled from a very young age, if there is no positive male influence. My abuser abused every female in his life. He had a lack of attention from both parents and no confidence or self-worth.

Domestic Abuse covers all class and religions and education is a MUST! Everyone should be taught about it. Wisdom is power.

I feel that it is important to be educating children from as young as 9 to 11 around this. Educating young people around this is important. We need to educate children to counterbalance and be able to challenge the abusive relationships and toxic culture they see on social media. We need to teach them as part of the curriculum ‘how not to live’ and how not to behave.

Sometimes it can be a bit emotionally draining but I feel that now we have clear objectives for a positive future. I am honoured to be part of a group that is trying to make Domestic Abuse a thing of the past. As I have decades of living with Domestic Abuse, I can already see a huge improvement. I am hoping that the Government and the powers that be listen to the people who are living with this.

It quickly became apparent in the first initial meetings that I was surrounded by like-minded people that were experiencing the same hardship with different paths but the same outcome; POVERTY.

I had become so immersed in my own problems that I had forgotten my empathy towards others due to Domestic Abuse. After finishing a very emotional video filming session for the PTC Launch in November a real bond was created between all my fellow Community Commissioners.

I have learnt that I am not alone. I now have a better understanding of other people’s journeys, and the openness of the PTC Civic Commissioners is amazing.

No matter how hard our journeys have been we are all survivors in one way or another.

I had to take some time out at the beginning of the year, but when I returned the love and acceptance made my heart melt. We have one goal; remain united and make a change. We are in the stages now where changes are beginning to show.

I thank you PTC for allowing me the opportunity to flourish, come out of my shell of low self- esteem and be the new me.

This blog was written by Community Commissioner Farah (photo above on the far right)

Farah also wrote a poem, which she shared at the launch of the Poverty Truth Commission:

Where do I start – how it makes me feel.

My poverty group makes me feel real.

Everyone has their stories to tell.

Accepting other views and you’ve given us a bell.

A bell to say hello, it’s me.

We are individuals and we can be free.

This group is important to me.

Thank you for letting our voices be heard.

Thank you for us having a word.

I moved to Epsom in 2017 from Zimbabwe where I was born. I lived there for 31 years, got married and had my two amazing children. Unfortunately, my marriage broke down and so did I, I lost sight of who I was. At that time, me and my children were given the opportunity to move to the UK by some family friends who were willing to put us up and my parents supported us financially until I got a job and we settled down.

Fast forward to just after lockdown when I am working through my mental anguish and rediscovering who I am again. Suddenly the cost of living crisis hits, and I went from being able to have a bit of money to save each month after bills and essentials were paid to not having enough for food. I found the Epsom Pantry and was lucky enough to become a member, this gave me some kind of control and lessened the stress. It is also how I discovered that according to UK statistics I was considered to be living in poverty. I found this very confusing as coming from Zimbabwe I have a different view of what poverty means.

Since joining the Poverty Truth Commission (PTC) I have come to learn that there are many facets to poverty and it’s all different according to the environment you’re in. I struggled to accept the situation that once again I was living in poverty. The subsequent shame and guilt of having done that to my children put me into a spiral mentally. I am now getting support through the help of the PTC, but what about the people who don’t have that?

Poverty can be both a cause and a consequence of poor mental health. The UK has high rates of poor mental health, surely that should be enough for organisations to work together and come up with a solution?

We need to be getting information and solutions out there early on to help people who are struggling with poor mental health. If support is given early on, it takes less time to fix and less resources. There is a huge demand and need for mental health services. There needs to be help available for longer and given earlier. This will surely in turn have a positive effect on poverty. People in good mental health feel good about themselves and are more likely to want to better themselves in every aspects of their lives.

For me, I hope I can grow in confidence and self belief so I can make my business running art teaching workshops grow. This will then help to get me out of the ‘poverty hole’ and in a better place mentally and financially. I will in turn hold my hand out to help other people get out of poverty as I believe ‘a community that helps each other is a community that leaves poverty behind.’

The PTC is important to me. I’ve had conversations with fellow Community Commissioners about how difficult it is to talk about the hardships we have been through. We have all really struggled to do this, but I think that we need to talk about the hard stuff. Its important for us to discuss issues such as Domestic Abuse, Mental Health and Illness.

Through our discussions and as a collective, the PTC can drive organisations to put appropriate support in place to help people going through similar challenges to us in the future.

The support that has already been put in place has been put there by people who have absolutely no idea what it is like going through the things we have and are still going through. However, how are these organisations meant to understand if we are not brave enough to talk about the hard stuff?

I don’t want anyone to feel like I have been made to feel. I felt stupid, worthless, unworthy, downgraded, all because those who were supposed to be supporting me didn’t understand what I was actually going through.

Through talking, we can shape this support to make sure people get the help they actually need – get it faster and have that help for longer. This assistance will mean that the after effects of challenging times are less impactful on their lives.

[Photo: Community and Civic Commissioners talking at a PTC meeting]

What I struggled with most was coming from having a good job. I’ve always worked since I was a kid really, Dad said; “If you want pocket money go and work on the market, do a paper round!” so I’ve worked since I was 11 or 12. Suddenly finding myself where yourself not working affects your identity, your sense of self-worth, that’s incredibly hard.

Knowing who to ask or having the courage to ask someone for help is incredibly difficult for anyone I think. I don’t think I’m more or less proud than anyone. Having to go to someone and say I can either pay for my gas and electric or I can feed my family, you have to do it because you haven’t got a choice- but it doesn’t make it any easier.

If I wanted something I got it, that’s been my life. We live in a consumerist society, we have always been okay, always been comfortable. To suddenly find yourself, not in discomfort, but in real fear that you are not going to be able to feed your family is terrifying.

If you don’t know who to ask, you don’t know what’s out there, you don’t know what help is available, you’re just waving around in the dark hoping that someone will see you.

I think it’s opened my eyes to something that I probably was guilty of ignoring for most of my life. I think it’s getting harder and harder for people to ignore that, because of the cost-of-living crisis and Covid, so many people have been impacted.

All it takes is for one bad thing to happen and your life could be turned upside down. If you can’t pay your rent one month, all of a sudden you’re in a bad situation and it can get very bad very quickly.

My experience of mental health issues began in very early childhood with a series of traumatic events. This began with the death of my father, which I witnessed at four years old, and ongoing mental and physical abuse throughout my early years that continued into my early adult life. As a result of this, I developed Dissociative Identity Disorder which was not ultimately diagnosed until 2022. I also have borderline personality disorder, anxiety and severe depression.

Over the years I have experienced many barriers to my wellbeing. I have found that health professionals have treated me as an illness, rather than a real person. I have felt that I wasn’t being listened to as an individual and because of this I was misdiagnosed for most of my life. This lack of understanding resulted in me being sectioned in hospital on several occasions, alcohol abuse to escape my traumatic memories, and suicide attempts.

I feel that because of my mental health issues I was treated as though I was someone who was dangerous – just because I do not fit the mould. But one size does not fit all; we are not all the same. I felt at times that I was being punished for being me, and that I had privileges taken away from me just because I have mental health issues. I never felt like hospital was the safe space that it should have been.

One thing that I feel very strongly about is the fact that Housing Associations do not allow pets in their premises. Pets are so important to our mental wellbeing, and my dog is a great support to me. The fact that this right to own pets is taken away is something that will impact so many people negatively.

Of course, I just want to say that if people were listened to from the beginning, taken seriously,  and allowed input into their own treatment without prejudice, then things would begin to improve. We know ourselves better than any health professionals, as do our family and friends. We know what we need and what will help. Listen to us. Don’t take away our support, including our pets. It’s unkind and unhelpful.

My life started, coming from a broken war marriage. My Grandmother and father raised me – in the old-fashioned way to be hard working, truthful and a pleasant person.

My childhood and school life went well. My first job was at the Bank of England working in accounts. Then a succession of jobs until I joined a Mail Order Company where I was promoted to a buyer with buying power of millions. Travel in this country and abroad and a very good renumeration, giving me a comfortable lifestyle for the family. My husband looked after the house and our son, who was privately educated near home.

After 26 years with that company, even though my figures and profits were excellent, it was deemed I didn’t have the skills to go forward and I was sacked. What a shock!! But I was paid off well and opened a Linen shop in Bookham.

All went well and after 15 years I decided to close it. Unfortunately, my husband died unexpectedly 2 weeks before the last day of trading. The remaining stock became a problem; some was sold cheaply and lots given to a nearby charity.

I opened a Hairdressers with my son. This went well for many years – he cut hair and I did the accounts and wages. My son had a shoulder and knee problem and became unable to work. The staff were struggling so the salon had to close.

As my son lived above the salon, he had to move in with me and was claiming Universal Credit for two six-month periods. £317 a month is no money to try to live on in Surrey. I was well past retirement age and along with my pensions we were struggling with the bills and some debt.

After many months of hardship, we visited the Citizens Advice. It was frightening. It’s brave if you can put your head above the parapet and ask for help. We were introduced to the Foodbank. What good advice, they were such a good help to us and friendly. Every time I went to the Foodbank for the first two or three visits, I cried all the way home.

The involvement with the Poverty Truth Commission has given me a purpose. Personally, I am trying to generate something positive by being on the PTC, by sharing my journey and knowledge. Being a commissioner gives me something to do and not be cast aside as a “useless old lady”.

When I had my linen shop there was a chair by my desk and many people would just come in for a coffee or a chat. Even Sir Michael Caine popped in occasionally, as his wife shopped with me. What people need is social interaction.

By talking to other Commissioners, I have realised how family life has changed since I had my son. After-school activities are expensive and many families can’t afford lots of clubs. Even the free holiday activities for children are not co-ordinated across schools and many seem to miss out.

Our children are the world’s future and should be treated as such and encouraged to try their hands at all things. This cannot be done [if families have no spare money]. Heating and childcare are also so expensive; again a great hardship to their development.

The elderly need more consideration to expand their social lives and not be left to stagnate. I don’t know it all, but I have many thoughts and insights into hardship and social exclusion.

I had an almost luxury lifestyle with holidays, work, travel expenses, a company car and social outings. None of which I have now. I put too much emphasis on my working life and now have no social life to fall back on. I am taken shopping twice a week, and to the foodbank when needed by my son; who also has to manage my extensive doctor and hospital visits. He is working, but only on minimum wage. This all means our social life is non-existent. I have back and knee problems and don’t drive, a serious lung condition, diabetes and gout. All very restricting. But I am a very determined person and try my hardest to be upbeat.

I was a very well-paid busy business person. I had no idea of the impact of poverty and budgeting until my son had to close the salon, started to claim Universal Credit and moved back in with me. He is now virtually my carer.

Could the Civic and Business Commissioners be in a similar situation of having their eyes opened even more, as mine have been this past year? Can they possibly consider helping more, or their organisations making more provision – however small, to do more? I hope so.

Thank you for reading.

Most of the people we meet at the Foodbank have experienced painful life events, such as a bereavement, the breakdown of a relationship, poor health, or job loss. Linda was unlucky enough to experience all four of these in a short space of time. Having cared for people all her working life, as a nanny and mother of four grown up children, she desperately needed someone to look after her.

Linda, who is in her 50s, split from her a partner a few years ago, after she found out that he had been cheating on her. Her brother, who she was very close to, died at around the same time. He was the person she would always turn to for help, so this was the lowest point in her life. Linda also suffers from arthritis, which got so bad that she had to give up her job. That is when her financial situation really deteriorated.

“A lot of things happened and I had a bit of a breakdown. It knocks you back. I had no money; otherwise they were going to take my car away, so I stupidly went to one of these loan people”. A colleague at work offered to be her guarantor, but then started getting nasty. In the end, the only way she could pay back the loan was to leave the home she loved and move to a smaller property.

Unfortunately, she regretted it the day she moved: “My old house was peaceful. Where I am now, there are lots of young families. The family above me are fighting all the time and the children don’t go to bed until after midnight. My mental health hit rock bottom.” Her anxiety got so bad that she finds it hard to leave her home, let alone go back to work.

Linda visited the Foodbank at the end of 2021, after being referred by her doctor: “I’ve never felt embarrassed about going to the Foodbank, because I’ve always put something in the baskets at the supermarket, and I wouldn’t come unless I had to.”

Penny, one of the Foodbank’s support workers, was great – “really helpful from the word go.” She immediately put Linda in touch with CAP, a debt advice charity, who put in place a Debt Relief Order to clear her debts: “This has taken a huge weight off my shoulders, not having to worry about bailiffs on the door. That’s probably 80% of the reason that I’m where I am now.” Meanwhile, one of the social prescribers from the local GP practice helped her with her mental health problems, showing how agencies can work together effectively to offer the holistic support people need.

Linda has learnt a lot from the way Penny supported her, helping her to become stronger in herself: “I’ve taken a lot on board by listening to Penny and how she deals with [other agencies]. They know they can’t pull the wool over my eyes anymore. I’m more aware of my rights now.”

Having been suicidal when she first came to the Foodbank, Linda says that “I’m just starting to think that I can get out of it, and I will get out of it. There is hope now, whereas before there wasn’t.” Now that she is feeling more in control and more confident, she wants to move to a quieter place, where she can read, do jigsaw puzzles and a bit of gardening: “I just want a bit of peace. I think I’ve been through more in the past few years than most people have in a whole lifetime.”

Emma’s* story shows how people’s lives can be turned upside down by events beyond their control. It also shows how having a strong support network and a good employer can be vital in helping people to get back on their own two feet.

Emma, a single mum and fitness fanatic, was living happily in Epsom with her two sons, when her landlord decided he wanted to sell his property. Unable to find anywhere else that was affordable on her income, she was forced to go on the council’s homelessness register and was relocated to emergency accommodation in outer London.

Moving away was very hard on the family, as the children were still at local schools and Emma’s job was local, too. They were getting up at the crack of dawn to travel to Epsom each day: “Moving made me realise that I do want to be near family and friends. The boys were literally stuck at home in the evening and at weekends – didn’t see anyone”.

Emma has suffered with depression since having children and being so isolated made it much worse: “I went downhill after moving and started drinking, and then hit rock bottom. I started using it as an escape route when it got too much. I wasn’t seeing anyone or doing anything.”

Travelling to and from Epsom was also very expensive, adding to the pressures on the family. That is when a friend told her about the Foodbank: “I wouldn’t say I relied on it, but it helped me every now and then… My mum and dad are really good, but I don’t want to have to rely on them all the time.”

Initially, it was just the food, but then she was given additional support: “I didn’t realise there was so much more help that you offer… I started chatting to Penny and she offered help with [my eldest son’s] PIP claim. I wouldn’t have been able to do the form without this. It’s so nice to have someone who knows what they’re talking about.”

Emma, who works at a local gym, is fortunate to have a supportive employer. When she needed time off last year at her lowest point, her manager was really understanding: “She said to take as much time off as you need. Knowing I could go back to work after was great.”

After writing to her local MP about her situation, the council offered her temporary accommodation back in Epsom whilst she waits for a permanent home, about a year after becoming homeless: “It’s so much better for the boys than living in []. My son can see his friends and come and go he wants.”

Although Emma still worries about her eldest son, she is happy and already making plans for the future, including taking a level 3 fitness qualification with help from her employer: “I hope that I can go further in my fitness career and stay at the club. And I hope my children get into work, something they like doing.”

*Name changed to protect identity